Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Panties = found
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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