Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
