He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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