Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
