How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
