i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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