She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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