I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
