There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
