my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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