I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
