i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
