lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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