it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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