Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
