he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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