I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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