I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
