she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
