haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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