You just made me feel so damn special
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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