Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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