I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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