So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
