i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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