I hate your face
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
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Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.