if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex