Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off