Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.