The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY