i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
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The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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