Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

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  (603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806
  Replies (6) Good night (3384) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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  (914): Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting." http://tfl.nu/dhfp
  Replies (27) Good night (4250) Bad night (2128)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?

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  (586): Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule? http://tfl.nu/p75m
  Replies (13) Good night (4660) Bad night (1155)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (8838) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.

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  (610): I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead. http://tfl.nu/hl2l
  Replies (10) Good night (2904) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"

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  (678): You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed" http://tfl.nu/kcte
  Replies (7) Good night (2377) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

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  (313): You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink http://tfl.nu/6677
  Replies (7) Good night (1902) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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  (508): Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie http://tfl.nu/abbt
  Replies (5) Good night (1106) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect

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  (518): I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect http://tfl.nu/1a0b
  Replies (3) Good night (371) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"

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  (618): Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin" http://tfl.nu/b2j2
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins

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  (678): You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major. (404): I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins http://tfl.nu/kskd
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.

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  (256): Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards. http://tfl.nu/ejyy
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.

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  (416): Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing. http://tfl.nu/0abd
  Replies (6) Good night (1043) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.

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  (323): I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark. http://tfl.nu/y5i1
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.

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  (503): I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor. http://tfl.nu/j2x4
  Replies (3) Good night (412) Bad night (219)

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