i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?