This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here