I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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