My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
