We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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