So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
