but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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