Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
