bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My pussy is not your playground.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
