where am i from again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
