On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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