This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
