I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
