yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
