Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
