remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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