I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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