Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
