you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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