She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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