so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
