i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
