So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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