I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
