i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
