I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
