And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am midnight drunk by noon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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