Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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