Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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