My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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