i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
