Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I understand Curling. That high.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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