btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
