i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
