Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
