how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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