so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
