she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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