do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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