People with herpes should wear stickers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
