ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
