I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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