My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
