What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
