I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
