dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
