I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this boner is exhausting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
