i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
