Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
