Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dear god my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
