The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
