A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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