Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
