Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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